Articles

Overcoming People Pleasing

By: Vanessa Canty

I am a recovering people pleaser. It's too bad a support group does not exist, like People Pleasers Anonymous. I used to stretch myself to the max with obligations, favors and duties. If I was not able to fulfill my promise to whomever, I was mad at me (How sick is that?)! When asked to do something, I knew in my heart that I really wanted to say "No." However, I felt that if I did say "No," I would make the person angry or worse, lose the person's regards for me entirely.

Now here's the lesson I learned right in the Good Book of Matthew 5:33-37:

33 "Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.' 34 But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God's throne; 35 nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is
from the evil one.

Jesus is the first to tell us to "Just say No." He tells us not to make promises, especially if (1) you have not sought his guidance (swearing by your head), and (2) your heart is not in it (again, swearing by your head). Making a commitment in haste does not please God. We can not put our focus on pleasing people. We must aim to please God first and foremost. God knows us, so don't think you're getting over by your performance. He knows our abilities, our limitations, our circumstances, and most of all, He knows the motives hidden in our heart and in the back of our mind.

So, next time you are asked to make a commitment or make decision, don't give an answer right away. Do not compromise. Take time to pray and ask God what you should do. If you know that you can do what's asked and required with a joyful heart, by all means say "Yes." However, if you are committing yourself to something that you don't want to do, you are not glorifying God, nor are you being an effective witness in His
kingdom because you are lying and therefore in sin. You are lying to yourself and to whomever you're performing for in order to please them or avoid conflict - but, in reality you have conflict in your heart. Jesus said that it is okay to say "No," so don't feel bad if you must. Your presence or performance will not make a bit of difference (you cannot make one hair white or black) if you're heart is not in line with His purpose and will for your life.

Just remember, you can not lie to or perform for God. He sees and knows everything, even the tiny little hidden things the natural human eye can not see. So don't worry about disappointing anyone. Anyone who really cares for you will understand(eventually) if you have to say "No." Continue to read God's word and pray for guidance and understanding. When you abide in the will of God, there is no conflict or confusion...just peace.

God will not turn His back on you for sticking to your spiritual convictions. Hold on to the fact that You are of God, little children, and have overcome them because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world - 1 John 4:4.